Bono & “The Interview!”

U2-coffeeLights go down, it’s dark – because there’s no freaking electricity! North Korea – try to name a more f***ed up country on Earth than North Korea…You can’t! Yes, they’re doing the atomic bomb and they want you to sing along, but most North Korean citizens can’t because 99% of the population are starving. Besides, there’s a reason why you haven’t heard the sweetest melody in North Korea – You’ll get your Pyongyang shot off for singing.

Pity the nation that won’t listen to its boys or girls, middle aged, elderly or anybody else living north of the 38th parallel. Forget about Seconds, most North Koreans are still looking for their firsts. We eat and drink, while tomorrow they die of starvation. Sure, you can see China right in front of you, but many trip through the wires (barbed wires, that is) and end up spending their remaining days making smaller rocks out of bigger rocks in one of their hidden labor camps.

Some dissidents even described a torture so sinister and deviant, that it violates all 30 Human Rights, with a double violation on #27 – forcing those who tried to escape to listen to smuggled in versions of U2’s “Your Blue Room” on repeat for days. The inhumanity! The goal is Seoul! Destruction of Seoul, South Korea, Tokyo, Japan and even the land that Elvis ate, if anyone interferes with the small man (Kim il Un) with big ideas. Actually, everyone in North Korea is small because of malnutrition. North Korea has 65 years plus of a totalitarian government that has run rickshaw over the Korean Peninsula, and until the world figures out how to dismantle an atomic bomb in the hands of a nut, North Korea will continue to wage War on its citizens.

Now, apparently, North Korea is up in arms over the new Seth Rogen / James Franco movie, The Interview, which will be released in October. The two main characters, a news reporter and producer, land an interview with the dear leader, Kim Il Un and subsequently plan an assassination attempt. Needless to say, this isn’t flying very well north and south of the Yalu River. How Bono’s, The Million Dollar Hotel movie didn’t cause a nuclear holocaust is still one of the world’s great mysteries. To put this enigma into U2 terms, criticizing North Korea’s government is equivalent to listening to most of Pop and NLOTH back to back…deadly!

If the world truly wants to salvage what’s left of North Korea, we don’t need the military, political pundits, the Pope and the holy cross, the Red Cross or Christopher Cross (remember him?). We need Bono! That’s right, Bono. After five minutes in North Korea, Bono will have Kim Il Un, dictator of one of the poorest countries on earth, donating everything that hasn’t been shot or sold on the black market to the One or Red Foundation. Bono will look across the fields of mourning, to a light that’s in the distance, a red-orange glow, and realize that millions continue to run scared in the valley below because there is a lunatic who’s ready, willing, and able to launch a nuclear bomb. But fear not! Bono knows how to dismantle an atomic bomb. Super Bono can do anything….except put out a new CD in less than five years. Bono, North Korea needs your mediation services and they needed them yesterday. Go straighten this out, but first release the new CD. Priorities! Just some food for thought since North Korea has only crumbs from the table.

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An avid U2 fan, who doesn't take our group too seriously. Sixth grade teacher, married and have an 8 year old boy who is also a huge fan...he didn't have a choice.

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