U2-coffee

Sound the alarm – I mean the Siren! So have you heard the news today? I can’t change it or make it go away. You know…the news/rumor/innuendo that U2 will/may/probably tour or release a CD in the next few months/years/decade.  You have to love sensationalism. You can’t spell hyperbole without hype. In this tabloid/TMZ/reality TV world of ours, is it any wonder that the Cartoon Network turned into the news?

Whichever the reason, the U2 rumor mill is in full throttle right now. Will they or won’t they? September or November? 2014 or 2015? With or Without You? Other than Propaganda, U2’s self-serving fan club magazine from back in the day, the “Propaganda” machine known as the tabloids have left U2 alone, probably due to their clean living or the fact that Ireland doesn’t have newsprint/TV accessibility/internet yet, but what if they didn’t?

What would U2 in the tabloids look like? I’m glad you asked.  In honor of all the hype/speculation/rumors floating around about U2 this week, I present to you….U2 tabloid headlines.

Bono goes to Washington looking for Bush.

5th member of new group U2, Richard Evans leaves because the other members don’t want any Dicks in the group. (See what I did there?)   ;)

Bono shows Bad timing at Live Aid.

U2 must dream it up all over again after Rattle & Hum nightmare.

U2 to play Sarajevo. No, we don’t know where it is either.

U2 wins over Super Bowl crowd, but loses football bet.

Edge’s baldness puts U2 in hairy situation.

Adam becomes a real puke in Australia after throwing up his future in U2.

Larry smiles, film at…never!

Lemon breaks down & puts sour taste in everyone’s mouth.

U2 moving fortunes to a The Netherlands proves to be a taxing issue with fans.

Bono breaks back carrying the world.

Adam’s maid really cleans up.

As ridiculously stupid as these headlines are, the tabloid news is a multi-billion dollar industry that chose to become the monster to try to defeat the monster, the monster being greed and rumors. Greed and rumors are fear, so deny them and breathe. With today’s access to social media, for whatever reason, responsibility seems to have flown right out of the window in the skies when it comes to reporting fact instead of fiction.

Stay right here at u2radio.com and we will update you immediately with accurate news and insight. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to go listen to “I Heard a Rumor” by Bananarama. ;)