Ali…Stop the Madness!

According to Ali, Bono is “On the mend” and will be ready for the tour opener in two months. In all seriousness, don’t we have to take Ali’s word with a grain of salt? I’m all for the power of positive thinking and do believe that Bono will be ready, but do you really believe Ali’s response is coming from a place of love? Of course it isn’t, it’s coming from a place of “Bono’s been in this f*cking house for five straight years and it’s time to get his ass back out on the road because I can’t stand it anymore.”

There’s a reason why the male dominated legislature put into law “spousal privilege,” when it comes to legal matters, it was because every guy knows damn well that a wife would sell out her husband in a second, if given the opportunity…and with good reason. We’re all idiots! Am I right, ladies? Of course, I am. Ali’s had it up to her Yahweh with Bono being around 24/7 and needs some “Alone time.” You think Bono cried during the biking accident? I guarantee you that Ali’s welps of sadness were a thousand times louder….for herself. She knew back in November that there was a good chance that the tour might be postponed, which meant…..MORE TIME HOME WITH BONO!

Now listen, I don’t doubt Ali’s love for Bono, but any wife will tell you that she needs “her time” and that’s tough to do when you have someone around 24/7. Remember, this isn’t any old typical slob playing Xbox in his jockeys with crumbs of popcorn under his ass and crushed beer cans lying next to the recliner…this is a thousand times worse….because IT’S BONO!

You think Bono’s walking around in his tighty whities leaving his cut toenails under the kitchen table like the rest of us slobs? Or, throwing his dirty laundry on top of the laundry basket that should have been brought down to the laundry room three days ago? Or, chugging down a 12 pack of beer every night just to survive the daily grind of family life? NO! This is Bono and that means it’s a THOUSAND TIMES WORSE!

Think about it from Ali’s point of view. For the past five years, Ali has had to endure Bono saying/whining/crying/singing about the following: Spiderman’s failure, the mediocrity of NLOTH, Adam’s marriage to a Brazilian hottie, Apple backlash, trying to find rhyming words for “God,” how their daughter Eve’s career is better than his own, losing an Oscar and then a Grammy, Sharon Osborne’s hate, not to mention a face full of cement that drove his elbow north & south of the river. That’s too much whining for any one person to endure. It speaks volumes when Ali would rather suck in the contaminated air of Chernobyl than spend another second with her husband of 30 + years. Actually, I’m surprised it took this long for Ali to speak up.

Bottom line is this, Bono could be in a coma and Ali is going to say that he’ll be ready for the tour. Like any wife, she’s had it with Bono and wants him out of the house. Can you blame her? 😉


The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views/opinions of U2 Radio.

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An avid U2 fan, who doesn't take our group too seriously. Sixth grade teacher, married and have an 8 year old boy who is also a huge fan...he didn't have a choice.

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