Name me a less productive work day in World History than last Thursday…..YOU CAN’T. The Great Depression here in America back in the 1930’s looked like the early 90’s compared to last Thursday. I mean, was anyone doing any work? I don’t even know if I was at work, it’s all one giant, big blur. Our Gross National Product had to slip a couple of thousand percentage points, right? I think Turkmenistan surpassed the United States for the day in G.D.P. So what if we become a 3rd world nation in the process, it was all for a great cause…………..U2 TICKETS. What a day it was, a roller coaster of emotion that saw me sweat more than Adam’s maid rifling through his underwear draw looking for a few Euros.
Here is a list of my top 5 observations for that day.
1. Whomever was the brain trust to put U2 tickets & Foo Fighter tickets on sale the same day should be immediately shot. Absolute pandemonium. The website sounded like a fart! (See what I did there) The only way it could have been worse is if you through Barry Manilow into the mix. If you’re not down with Barry, you’re not down with me. 😉
2. 2 tickets TOTAL??? Don’t get me started………..too late. I applaud any attempt to stop the scalpers, but it’s 2014…..NO ONE HAS FIGURED OUT A SYSTEM TO GET THE TICKETS INTO THE HANDS OF THE FANS & NOT THE SCALPERS??? Zuckerman? Steven Hawking? Oseary? Gavin Friday? The kid from the Boy cover? Anyone? Someone needs to fix this and fix it yesterday. Two shows in Boston just ain’t gonna cut it…you feel me?
3. 1 day notice before tickets go on sale??? Sure, the release on September 9th, the 5 + year wait for new music should have been enough of a heads up, but apparently most people like a 3 year financial planning window. Next go around, take my advice…if you’re planning on going on tour in 2019, tell adults to begin saving in 2016, so that they can be financially & fiscally sound and plan accordingly three years in advance.
4. What happened to the “Tiered Program” on U2.com? I’ve been a paying member there since 2009 and now you’re telling me if someone signed up on September 8th, 2014, they’re in the same “Experience” group as me???? Child, please. Homie don’t play that. I kept up my membership the past 5 years for 1 reason and 1 reason only, for pre-sale code supremacy. The way I see it, being a long time paying member, I should have a Ticket Master representative bringing me tickets like carpet swatches at high tea and picking and choosing what best fits my needs, while another representative simultaneously gave me a pedicure. But nooooooooooooo! Some high school flunkie in teenage wasteland who rolled out of his bong residue hangover stumbles onto U2.com on 9/8/14 signs up & now we’re equals. FUNK THAT!
5. Finally, my U2 crew that will be joining me at the Boston shows talked me into going GA for both shows back to back. WTF was I thinking? Listen, I’m in great shape, if that shape is a circle. Can my body handle the 48 hours of pounding beers and standing on my feet both nights back to back…..HELL NO! So be it, it’s U2….how many more chances do we realistically have to do this…7 maybe 8 more tours? I’m dreaming out loud!
See you at the shows.