cupofjoeIf you release a U2 CD in a forest & no one knows it, does it still sell more than No Line on the Horizon?

 So, word on the street is that U2 is planning to release their latest CD with absolutely no fanfare or announcements, Beyoncé style, in which can only be described as one of the dumbest moves in U2 history.  What brain trust thought up this idea, the same guy that thought releasing Boots as the 1st single last go around was a good idea?  If it is, fire him/ her now!  Let me see if I have this straight, let’s take a group that has been out of the lime light for half a decade, desperately trying to remain relevant, looking to attract a younger audience and have no announcement of their new CD?  Makes sense.

Beyoncé had all the single ladies that are in their 20’s & 30’s who are tech savy & know their way around social media spread the news for her.  Word spread like wildfire or like Jay Z & his posse through Cristal & CD sales went through the roof.  Brilliant move.  U2’s average fan base age is 62.  How fast can word spread using a rotary phone?  I need to talk to your marketing team & I needed to talk to them yesterday.  We need a media campaign blitz like no other.  I’m talking TV, radio & AARP Covers.   U2 commercials between the hours of 10:00AM-2:00PM, just before the average U2 fan goes down for a nap.  Throw a commercial in the middle of the Price is Right…GOLD!  Full page ads in those things that are thrown from the window of some beat up station wagon by the town drunk, what are those things called again…….newspapers, that’s it.  We need full page ads in newspapers announcing the CD release.  Hell, I’d even put a flyer in Publisher’s Clearing House.  Old people still read those thinking they actually have a chance to win.  Forget about BBC rooftop nighttime promotional gigs.  Bingo parlors at 10:00 AM is where your bread is now buttered.

Remember the announcement of the Pop-Mart tour from K-Mart.  Irony times infinity.  That’s the type of move that makes you grateful you even know what irony is.  We need something similar.  Taking into account the average age of the U2 fan & the possibility of the new CD being called  Sirens, a nursing home parking lot seems perfect for a release party.  I can see it now, you guys dressed up as paramedics with the paddles at the ready for a true Electrical Storm….CLEAR!  Yes, the excitement will be too much for some, but that kind of excitement sells CD’s, pacemakers & coffins… everyone wins.  That’s irony!

We need the U2 of old, the swagger, the irony, the I’m reapplying for the biggest band in the world & I’ll kick in your dentures on the way if we have to.  Pull this move off and consider your career saved.

You’re welcome. ;)