It’s funny how some phrases within our lexicon need absolutely no explanation. Like my good friend Sammy Hagar says, “What is understood does not need to be discussed.” Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve decided to prepare myself for the new onslaught of teeny bopper fans that U2 is seeking out, and to prepare myself both mentally and physically for the upcoming tour. By preparing myself physically, I mean cracking open another beer as I write this post. I’m fairly confident that I can beat out wheelchair dude to my spot along the railing closest to The Edge in the GA line, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose out my spot to some 14 year old with better arches who doesn’t get winded using an elevator. “You’re in my home now, biatch!”
Getting back to “It’s a U2 thang.” I’m always willing to lend a helping hand with all the nuances about our group to potential fans born in the year 2000. That hurt to even type that last line. Surely, nothing that the music listening kids of today could have prepared them for what they are about to experience with U2, if they choose to come along for the ride. Kids are used to hearing their one-hit-wonder pop sensations on the radio today, then seeing the lead singer of that same one-hit-wonder as the “dry” guy at Randy’s car wash-n-dry the next. No staying power. Being the generous guy I am, I have provided you with a short list of things that U2 fans have come to accept as universal law, “Bono”FIDE truisms that all U2 fans inherently understand. So when the time comes, my new teeny bopper fan, that something looks, sounds, or feels foreign to you, don’t be afraid because more than likely, “It’s a U2 thang!”
01. Seeing 60 year olds standing in a GA line, then riding their Larks at Wal-Mart.
02. Hearing people retell every song from every set list from every U2 show that they went to, but not remember the name of their own kids.
03. People will travel thousands of miles to follow their group, but will eat their cereal dry for 3 days because they’re out of milk and the grocery store is a mile down the road.
04. You turn off your U2 CD for the radio, only to have the radio playing the same U2 song – and you listen to it.
05. 80,000 people will stand in a torrential downpour for 2.5 hours at a U2 show in Minnesota, but won’t walk out to their mailbox on a cloudy day.
06. You will run into Bono haters. Let them rant, then dismiss them back to their parole officers, their parent’s basement where they live, or the nearest unemployment line.
07. You will know more about Africa than most Africans.
08. You’ll start concerning yourselves more with social justice than social media.
09. Many in your age group will not be listening to U2. Basking in their ignorance is a U2 thang.
10. Making up forgotten lyrics to a song that you’ve heard a bazillion times will become 2nd nature.
11. You’ll gladly send the One Campaign a few bucks, but yell at a family member for not unplugging a night light, thereby wasting money.
12. You’ll proudly wear your 25 year old Joshua Tree shirt with holes and pit stains. U2 fans understand.
13. You’ll notice people openly cry during any given U2 song at a concert, then notice the same person screaming bloody murder trying to get out of the parking lot afterwards.
14. Fans always have just enough money for U2 collectibles on Ebay, and yet pretend to be on the phone, deep in a conversation, when walking by the Salvation Worker with the bell during Christmas time.
15. You’ll have to choose a side in the age old debate: What was U2’s best CD; Joshua Tree or Achtung Baby? During said debate, listen with sincerity to the three people who will try to throw Pop into the mix, then laugh at them and move on.
There are many others that you will learn along the way. Some you’ll have to learn the hard way, but you’ll be better for it in the long run. Now, my teeny bopper friends, listen to other commenters share with you their, “It’s a U2Thang.” Lessons. Take notes if needed.